Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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