Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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