I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So much rum. So many feels.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
