FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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