I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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