I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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