Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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