I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
