eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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