Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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