the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
