her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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