never play flip cup with pint glasses
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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