maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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