She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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