his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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