Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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