last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
