He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
