So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my shit smells like andre
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
