did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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