I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
