he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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