i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
