Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
