Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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