i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
