you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
