Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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