Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize