If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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