He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
