he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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