I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
