First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
