I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
People in love make me want to vomit
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
