Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize