he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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