I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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