So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
