i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
