i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
