she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
