I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
