just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
