Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
