Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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