It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
