An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
