Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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