Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
