My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
