I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
