I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
