I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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