Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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