Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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