i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
false alarm, still single
Randomize
