she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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