last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
