Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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