He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
