and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
