he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
