Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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