omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And then he peed in my hair
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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