"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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